This is a bit awkward.

Years ago our cat Barney disappeared for about 2 months. Inexplicably, without warning, he just upped and left for eight solid weeks, until finally he strolled through the front door, sheepishly crept into the living room and stared at us like he'd just shat on the bathroom floor. As he sat there hopelessly denying culpability, we could all tell that his conscience was wrestling with a desperate need to escape. He'd only come back because he felt like a right arsehole about leaving in the first place.

Well, here I am, similarly going through those motions. Nearly 3 months without an update and I feel obliged to give you a bit of a catch up as to what's been going on, all in the while horrendously ashamed that I've gone this long without even the slightest hint of a dialogue. Is that the right term? Dialogue? Well none of you guys ever leave comments so I guess it isn't. BITCHEH!

But don't worry, I'm not mad, and I hope you guys aren't mad at me. In fact, I really hope that your mood doesn't hinge on the regularity of my blog updates. If it does, seek help. If it doesn't, I envy your life's probable excitement that is likely generated by a reason to get up in the morning and a social life that doesn't involve two hours of travel, supplemented of course by extortionate costs and weirdos who complement you on your socks.

Oh what the fuck am I even talking about here? The be all and end all is that I've been a lazy, decadent dullard who can't seem to juggle the responsibilities of numerous things at once. The result of this absolute shambles has been utter negligence towards this blog, and here we are without an update in three months. One must start to question the passion that I have for the site these days as I seem to prefer lazy days involving watching episodes of Frasier to letting you all know what's been happening in Ryanland.

And yes, I'm trademarking that shit before you get any ideas.

The truth is, the longer this blog remains as an account of my life as a cancer 'patient', the more and more I lose interest in contributing to it. The way I see things, this whole cancer thing has, well... no. I don't want to say that it's ended. That's tempting fate a bit, yes? But... I'm moving on. I can't let leukaemia define who I am and the longer this place reminds me of my struggles through it the less inclined I am to hold it in such personal regard.

Don't worry though, this isn't a 'fuck this I'm abandoning ship' kind of deal. It's more of a 'we really need to move the furniture around a bit'. I really love blogging, writing and - if your words are to be trusted - entertaining. But things should really change. My life isn't that interesting these days, but I feel the things that I observe are. So if I can find the spark that can ignite my creative side again, then exciting things may well happen to this place.

So yeah, this space. Watch it.

Ryan.

p.s. The first change: Helvetica for all.