My youth is slippin', my youth is slippin' away.

Como estas, bitches! I've just got back from a four day stay at the hospital. It was a proper nightmare to be frank, and once I was mercilessly made aware of my 'dreaded 38' condition (a term I'm sure all haematology patients are familiar with) I was accordingly doomed to sleepless nights, relentless IV drips and an absolute fucking shambles of a bedding situation. I won't go into it though, mostly because I don't want to use this blog as a vessel of constant moaning. Looking at the past few entries it's in danger of going that way.

So instead, I'm going to reflect on something that has affected me quite poignantly, much to my surprise. I'd love to tell you that it's an actual serious topic, like the stock market collapse Mark II or polar bears getting their merkage on. Alas, it is actually in regards to the break up of one of my most treasured bands; a band that I have practically worshiped since my school days. RIP the great Alexisonfire.

A lot of you might not know who in the hell Alexisonfire are. Some of you might think they're utter shite and are laughing at me for my intolerable taste in music (if you are one of those people then I positively suggest that you do one). However, to the (probably) small minority of you who were familiar with just how incredible this band was, then you'll share my feelings of utter devastation and heartbreak knowing that they're no longer going to be writing songs, recording albums and playing shows. It's a huge loss to music.

However, having been dwelling on the news all day, it's not just the simple break up of the band that has left me feeling so damn gutted. Like I said, this is a band that I've loved since my, erm, younger and more vulnerable years. Back then music was such an important part of me, and my devotion to a certain small group of bands was of such a vehemence that it could be called obsessive. Now don't get me wrong, music still figures strongly in my life, but these days it's a lot different. Gone are the times of queuing outside music venues in the afternoon to get on the barrier at gigs, or the desperate need to get a band's latest CD days before it hits the shops. I'd rather explore what music has to offer rather than submit to the bounties of one single band or genre.

A lot of people would attribute this to simply growing up, and of course they're right. But therein lies the issue. The break up of a band that has featured so prominently in my life really does confirm the dreaded truth: I am getting on in life. Obviously I'm being far too dramatic in that statement. Let's face it, the bigger picture suggests that I'm not getting old at all and that I should be thankful for my smooth skin and slick joints and full hair and... oh balls. In any case, perhaps it's not so much I'm getting old but rather... I'm losing touch of my youth?

The whole thing got me thinking. As more and more of my childhood affections cease to exist, how will it make me feel as a person? Will I be more happy to embrace new life paraphernalia as the artifacts of my youth crumble around me? I like to think that I would, if not slightly begrudgingly, and in many ways I can sort of link this with the last seven months' events. Life goes on. Things happen. And whilst it's a great personal blow that Alexisonfire have broken up, I can accept it as an inevitability. Bands stop playing music. Unless you're the fucking Rolling Stones or whatever.

I'll have a fat listening session dedicated to the great band soon. But first, there must be a mourning period.

C'est la vie. Next week I hope to start chemo again, but because of this recent hospital stay that looks unlikely. Doubt I'll get any summer now, but oh well. Autumn is the best season anyway.

Big love,
Ryan.