Circle takes the square.

It's the early hours of the morning, the very early hours of the morning I might even say, and I can't sleep. My head's spinning a bit to be perfectly honest, as tomorrow marks the start of a big week for me. I'm nervous, a bit jaded (if that's the right word) and slightly daunted by what lies ahead. I'll break it down for you.

Oh, and just because I cannot sleep does not mean I'm all about my wits and senses. Spelling and grammar may appear... suspect, at best. But try and bear with me on this one.

Here's what's making me nervous, and I'm talking severe nervousness here, in the sense that I'm chewing on the many helpless inanimate objects that are unfortunate enough to be stationed near my person, such as the plastic casing on a USB pen whose texture more resembles the surface of AstroTurf than the smooth delicacy of an essential piece of memory storage. You see my next cycle of treatment begins on Tuesday, and it's a bit of a brutal one. Lumbar punctures, intravenous chemo, injections and all that malarkey. If you're a regular reader of this blog then you've most likely been subjected to my general feelings about these things before so I'll spare you the details this time. It's not the treatment itself though that worries me, it's the drastic change in lifestyle that I'm about to undergo which will be the real bummer. It's difficult to comprehend the constant sickness, the godawful tiredness, the lethargy, the aches and the horrid pain. Despite being able to remember it well from just a couple of months back, I've made a point of trying to push it to the back of my mind when reflecting on that time. And knowing that I'll have to go through it all again is absolutely crushing.

I'm not entirely sure what's brought all this on to such an extreme degree, but it might have something to do with uni ending for a lot of my friends. A time we were meant to share; a step into the real world I was meant to make with people who I had spent three years worth of experiences with. And whilst I take some comfort and appreciation in the fact that my time will come, there still seems something slightly wrong. Now they're set to enthusiastically embark on their respected summers, whilst I dread what the next two months shall bring. Its a sad realisation that I shall attempt not to dwell on.

So in short yes, it's all your fucking fault, out having fun and all sorts of japery, so yeah. Cheers.

Joking of course. I can't show any level of contempt for all you beautiful bastards. I'll try and not to hold any contempt for myself either, which I believe is the most important thing to do.

So let's do it. Chemo shmemo, time to resume this square dance so I can rejuvenate. I'll be out by August.

Things could be a lot worse, you know.

Big love,
Ryan.